14 Principles For Finding
A Godly Wife Or Husband
I see many Christians destroying themselves in the effort to find a husband or a wife. They wear revealing clothes, hang around nightclubs and feel ashamed in church on Sunday. Pain and desperation are driving them to clumsily adopt the ways of the world in finding a life partner. It can only lead to heartache and disappointment. For most of my adult life I have been single. I know that you CAN be happy and single and that it is possible to joyfully WAIT . Marrying a non-Christian is not a godly option. I won't be discussing that here as I have written a separate article on it. This article covers 14 principles for finding a godly Christian partner in this rather lonely world.
Work on making yourself the sort of person that a godly Christian would LIKE to marry. Be kind, reliable, courteous and attractive. Have your life disciplined and godly and in reasonably good order. Be full of love.
something interesting about you and work on it. You need to stand out from
the crowd a little. Get interested in missions, help the poor, do something
different that is still you.
godly yourself. Have a daily quiet time where you read the Bible and pray
and start putting Scripture into practice in your life. Go to church regularly
to worship God and switch off your "partner searching periscope"
when you go there. In fact switch it off as often as you can. There is something
very unattractive about people who are obviously looking for a partner. Godly
people want a godly partner.
a success of your career. It will cultivate good qualities in you such as
forward thinking, planning, diligence, and hard work and it will increase
your self-esteem so that you don't feel as devastated by being single. It
will also increase your confidence and attractiveness. Godly Christians tend
to like people who do their best. Jesus had an obvious soft spot for stewards
who did their work diligently and well and makes them the heroes of many of
a list of the qualities you really want in a partner and bring this list to
God in prayer. Make it quite specific. Use it as a "filter" to prevent
you going out with people that are completely wrong. When you make the list
remember the golden rule "do unto others as you would want them to do
unto you". Would you want your future partner to be drawing up a list
like yours? Would you have any chance of getting selected if they did? Is
your list too unreal? Make sure that an "average person" - the sort
you are likely to marry, is able to fulfill it.
their weaknesses seriously. If a person is a Christian but has a problem with
drugs or alcohol or promiscuity then be very careful. If they are constantly
in financial trouble or always quitting their jobs you may be marrying misery.
Things like eating disorders, very low self-esteem, high levels of hostility,
and the need to control people can wreak havoc in a marriage. If they are
believers then God is working in their lives and there is hope but some believers
are not yet ready for responsibility. Some may be "barely believers"
and not really committed to long term change. I am not saying don't marry
them, I am saying think very, very long and hard before you do. Give them
time to grow and to prove themselves before you tie the knot.
someone you can pray with. Couples that pray together stay together and that's
a proven fact. The Christian marriages that fail (including mine) have one
partner that avoids having daily devotionals together. Prayer really builds
deep intimacy into a marriage.
to recognize predators. There are quite a number of people who hang around
churches to pick up a "Christian partner" and who can fake being
a Christian with considerable skill. They generally have no intention of being
godly and little intention of marriage. They are generally after unprotected
sex with someone innocent and free of disease. Sorry to be that blunt in a
Christian magazine but you need to know the truth. Predators are often betrayed
by their lack of true feeling for Christian things and their lack of insight
into Scripture. Greed, not tithing, and minor ethical breaches are other good
clues. Listen to God's promptings and your intuition. The Holy Spirit will
scream "No" at you pretty early on. When God says "No"
stop right then and there!
steadily and wisely towards commitment and put aside undue suspicion, hostility
and distrust of the opposite gender. As a rough rule of thumb people end up
living up to your projections of their behavior. If you distrust people and
are sure they will not stay with you but are "just using you" then
they will flee! No-one will stay in a relationship with a person who distrusts
them. However if you treat your partner well and trust , love, and enjoy them
and delight in who they are and expect good things of them then they will
enjoy your love so much that they will not think of doing anything else except
marrying you! Positive people tend to get positive results and negative people
tend to get negative results - so deal with your fears.
be paranoid about members of the opposite sex. In conservative Christian circles
there is almost an assumption that you only talk to members of the opposite
sex that you are interested in marrying! That is so destructive! Build many
ordinary good friendships and confuse your church thoroughly! It takes the
pressure off any emerging relationships and also gives you a better understanding
of women/men as the case may be.
good Christian counseling if you have had traumatic experiences that may
be hindering your ability to relate to members of the opposite sex. I can
Counseling and there is
an article on it elsewhere in the magazine.
you really like someone and they are a good Christian then go for it! I spent
a lot of time thinking "so and so is too good for me" and holding
back and thus losing out. Being strong and courageous has many advantages
and seems to get God's blessing.
good Christian marriages have developed when a friend introduces two people
together and they click. While some friends playing Cupid with your life can
be a pain if you have a few really good friends that you trust ask them to
keep a lookout for you and to pray for the right person to come along.
- Ask God's blessing on your efforts and develop the ability to listen to Him. God has a long history of putting some first class romances together. Let Him order your days and they will be pleasant. He really does care!
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