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Even More Christian Jokes

Jokes are taken "off the Internet" and generally sent to me by friends. Unfortunately no sources are indicated. I do my best not to pinch commercial material and to obtain permission. If you do know of the original source please inform us on the email address below.

Kids In Church

Three-year-old Laurie was delighted with the reception she got at church. She told her mother, "They sang a whole song just for me: 'Laurie, Laurie Hallelujah'." The correct name for that selection, according to another little girl, is "Glory, Glory, Honolulu".

Instead of singing the Doxology phrase "Praise, all creatures here below," a little girl sang instead, "Praise all preachers, here we go." It made sense to her because everybody sang it at the end of the service, just as they were leaving.

As any Methodist knows, that church was founded by John Wesley. So you can imagine the reaction of a Methodist woman whose eight-year-old son came home and reported, "We learned who started our church today. It was John Wayne."

The small son of a football coach in Ft. Worth, Texas, was dragging his feet on Sunday morning because he didn't like Sunday school. Finally his mother said, "Hurry up!" And he replied, "Aw...let's just wait and go at half-time."

The songs that many children claim to have learned in Sunday school would never be found in anybody's hymnal. A mother from Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin, was startled to hear her daughter singing, "Jesus Is Sneaking Through Humboldt Park." Checking with the teacher, she learned the song was, "Jesus Is Seeking a Humble Heart."

Another woman listened as her daughter sang , "Onward Christian Soldiers," and ended the first verse with "...and the cross-eyed Jesus, marching as to war."

A young Beatles fan from Houston came home singing "Jesus Loves Me" and added a chorus all his own: "He loves me, yeah, yeah, yeah!"

In Littleton, Colorado , a girl watching her mother shell hardboiled eggs said, "Jesus must like these a lot." "Why do you say that?" asked the mother. The little girl explained: "Last week in church we sang 'Hard Eggs, Take Them All To Jesus.' " [heart-aches]

A tiny boy of four was warned by his slightly older sister that he wouldn't be allowed to talk in church: "They just won't let you say a word," she said. "Who won't?" the boy asked. "The hushers," she replied.

Deep Thoughts

Why is that if you tell someone a bench has wet paint, they have to touch it.

How come Superman can stop bullets with his chest, but always ducks when someone threw a gun at him?

Why does "soured" cream have an Expiration date?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but washing up liquid contains real lemons?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

This article may be freely reproduced for non-profit ministry purposes but may not be sold in any way. For permission to use articles in your ministry, e-mail the editor, John Edmiston at johned@aibi.ph.